The following quotes were downloaded from the newsgroup rec.funny . The originators of some of these quotes are listed as "unknown". If you know who first said any of the quotes that are listed this way, please e-mail me at [email protected] and I will promptly attribute them to their proper source.
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. ---A Bit of Fry and Laurie
The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's":
- fighting
- fleeing
- feeding
- mating. ---Psychology professor in nueropsychology intro class
What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. --- Richard Harkness, The New York Times, 1960
Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of all the radio stations in Chicago ... we're one of them."
With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster 13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress. --- Ransom K. Ferm
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. --- Unknown
- The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
- The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
- The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
- The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" ---Unknown
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.-- Dave Barry
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. --- A. Whitney Brown
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. --- William James
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
--- Dave Barry
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl. ---Unknown
Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats, approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less. ---Unknown
668: The Neighbor of the Beast. ---Unknown
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. --- Emo Phillips
Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. ---Unknown
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. --- F. P. Jones
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --- Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?" --- Quentin Crisp
Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another. ---Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not! But I'm sick and tired of being told that I am! --- Monty Python
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. --- George Carlin
Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove. --- Ashleigh Brilliant
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. --- Ashleigh Brilliant
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. ---Unknown
Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way. ---Unknown
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
- Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
- Advising the President.
- Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. --- David Letterman
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. --- Johnny Carson
Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. --- Old Farmer's Almanac
The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. --- Salvador Dali
Sacred cows make the best hamburger. --- Mark Twain
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." --- Charlie Brown,_Peanuts_ [Charles Schulz]
Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?